Ms Air is One Tough Cookie

So I made it to the next titan academy. Wow. It's been some crazy and interesting 3 weeks, from auditions to boot camp and task in the house. Well I made top 16 and as of today am still top 12. God's grace alone!! Am adding so much weight here cause am less busy, and you know how I whine about it. We only go on task 48 hrs in a week and write reports and chill the rest of the week. The food is just okay and the house is not bad. But I miss my Boyz. Jesus Lead me to win the prize and use opportunities that come my way wisely. Most people have what they are doing and am yet to really know what I can offer apart from my business which is not virtual yet. The contestants are a mixture of fun, sassy and cool people.  Will talk about them another time. So long ....😛

On the rare occasion I made up by my Lovely Sister Nosa!!! Women are everything.  To day I read on the Kardashian (am not a fan of their family) and I am confirmed of my analysis that I am stronger than what ever comes my way. First their brother, started the reality show with them but could not comprehend the lifestyle his mum and sisters have chosen. Then there is Scott, who is checking into rehab cause of drug abuse and alcohol, which he was obviously taking to keep up with the stupidity and callousness he may have to raise his children in. Then there is Bruce,  to compete for superiority had to become a woman to show he is the man. Then we come to Lamar, His is so sad that he is actually in comma. I can't imagine the pressure he was feeling from the ladies which he had to take to his games.... and they are all too hot. The child acting like a grown up seducing him(with inflated lips and butts), and so he had to look outside and not embarass his wife... So many thin...

Fear of the unknown,  is a siege.  What makes you look at a problem and not see solution.  Am in church and the minster of God read 2 kings 7:4-5, and we are made to understand that if you don't come to the realisation of yourself, you won't be pleasantly surprised. I passed the first stage of TNT and passed (by the Holy Spirit) the dangote Test I wrote. It was a tough one but the Lord saw me through. I hate and at the same time enjoy this period am in, Ovulation☺. Why you may ask, am always horny! !. Once I start having exotic day and night dreams I know it's that period. This period I always question my Christianity( do I need to explain more or you understand? 😈). So therefore, I continue the service and THANK GOD FOR IS FAITHFULNESS! !!

Imagine me.... So I registered for The Next Titan 😎,  and I have got auditions tomorrow. Through out the week I have been trying to get my business plan in place and I got stuck at the financials. Yesterday Sunday was an eye opener. I went for Holy communion with one prayer point in mind ' Lord I need clarity of mind' and he showed me I have been acting like I know it all. Not asking for the Holy Spirit's help. And truly I just realised that I had stopped praying, as in praying for guidance. .. me that does not know anything, or have anything.. Jehovah have mercy.  I need you through out the week (and beyond) Lord and I ask that you prove yourself in my life. So long.....

Devil is a bastard.  Believe it or not so many thoughts have crossed my mind. Cutting my hands (that's a regular before now any time am in pain), running infront of a moving vehicle,  taking stuff so I don't wake up like chewing the actual leaves in my sliming tea so I purge till I drop.... I reject fear. ... Jehovah please mind me not, I trust you. ..just my flesh trying to get the best of me. I have even considered hooking up with all my toasters or at least does that have been trying to get into my pants and will take care of me well.. like yakubu, eke, ochuko, edhere and the list is endless ( I pray, as if I am that hot). I need to get busy fast, before I eat my head out because of boredom and applying without any reply.  Later Chikãąś

Am inspired by this woman who is 45 and still looking gorgeous.I have got to stay in shape, so fat now and disgusted with my look. Am eating like a buffalo and and i am feeling bad cause am not supposed to. Well am still waiting for my letter. Or should I say an opening to start a new idea that has come to mind. Have I mentioned of a guy I met that wanted to toast me and when he called me and I said I don't have a job he stopped calling..#smh yea I know am now irrelevant even to guys for toasting I guess not just my wellbeing, my sanity, my children, family and the work of God is enough reason to get a job or find work lol. Soo... I went to see my dad's driver person and I guess nothing special, cause I also visited my cousins ID and JJ and their mum invited me over again for such prayers with an evangelist,which by the way was more intense. Both talked about sowing a seed after prayers and I guess I know where that seed would go. Tomorrow is Monday and I hate the fact I...

When the devil tries to still your joy, as a Christian you shut him up with the word of God.  A lot of things are going on again,  lots on my mind just to lazy to type. I went to see the lady that was to see vision and it's simple you don't have to meet anyone, God can work/speak through you. Am not bothered anymore cause I know Christ had got me. She didn't say anything new, just the regular Nigerian movies prophet, that will tell you what you should know if you are a true believer.  I know am not wasting my time again, but am tempted to pay the 2000 seed. Should I or should I not? Will let you know if i did.  Rev Osewa is on my case now and it seems I would be going to benin, and am sad. I guess it's because I will miss the security of having parents to back me and facing harsh reality head on. I have never been street smart, I guess that's one of the reasons I liked kelvin. I grew up in  well cared and pampered home, and so never really saw the world ha...

It's like am running mental. I have got my cousins around and my own son isn't hear with me. Is this madness or what? Am I supposed to be in Benin or what?  I shed a tear as I write this because I won't blame my son if he detest me, I brought him into this world. He didn't sign up for this.  Really what in life am I pursuing if I can't die for my children.  I don't mean Kelvin will kill me (well he can), but am saying sacrifice my happiness for theirs. I knew this training will come to an end and difficult choices will be made, but is this how I want to end up. Really??. I don't want to bear his name cause I detest Kelvin, but still I want a life of happiness for my children. MY CHILDREN! !! Can't I even at least try to be close to Osagie. Move to benin and then what happens. ....

So I have my game face on... The power is your hands..... what you are looking for is right with you....... Guy am looking for a means to make substantial income and my mind is blank. Never did I buy the idea of travelling out of the country to hustle,  but now it comes to mind. An idle mind is the devil's workshop is a right saying, cause as jobless as I am, I keep thinking of Sex.  Imagine. ... Anywaz,  back to work..... What can I do???? Inspiration will come my way. Till then fellows.....

Picture of 3 dumb girls gisting in the bus. Too much American film made me believe in soul mate and stuff. I want to believe that when I met K I taught I had found mine. It's had to believe but I guess unknowingly,  I forced myself on him. And am just realising it, but does that change the fact that it is unfair to my children NO. Am just a selfish self centered human being as their father is. (Would have written son of a bitch,  but my mum isn't a bitch, she is too sweet). So anyways, am in a BRT bus writing shit and all, but thinking how beautiful the world is with diverse set of humans. The outcome of my today, should be a lesson of the Wonders of the Almighty Saviour. JUST IN: " are you high on drugs or just solid waste" Later peeps

Have you ever considered the world EXPLOITATION ? So yesterday I saw a lady in traffic sitting in a car and feeding her baby. And what come to my mind was the baby was soo cute and I would love to take a picture.  What stopped me? I don't know. I could have walked up to the couple and asked to take a picture of the baby while he was eating, and if they refused at least I would have tried, but I hesitated and the moment passed by me. Seize the Day is a telemondo I watched once and cant get enough of the its theme music. What am I getting at...... Opportunities come every day that I can take, but one stupid reason or the other, I find an excuse not to do it. Have you or do you feel that way?... I need to start working on it right away. Not all opportunities come twice,Blah Blah.. I know all this stuff but need to put them into Action. I Hope I can continue with this blog, Am enjoying just typing. #smiling

So here I am sitting at this office, bored to my wits end and typing on my desktop. The timing in my life could not be better. Do I just complain all the time or actually work? cause I can imagine myself just dreaming away hours and watching trailers cause I have free internet. Dont have really much to say.... but I feel something coming big.... but I know I ought to be doing something other than sitting and wishing.... life does not suck its intresting.. Kisses

So my Dad's driver has heard all my gist I guess from my parents discussing in the car. Very well !! I am not ashamed of my story, but very motivated so much that I would love to start a reality show on my life. Yea that's me. So, He (that is the driver) is telling me to see a pastor that sees vision.  At first I laughed at the idea, that is because I don't believe God can't talk to me. I know I don't need all that stuff but still i am intrigued. I have only watched that stuff on movies and heard stories from my senior sister, but still experience is the best teacher.  What do you think?☺. Are they going to charge me? They jam rock if so. Am I safe? Dont want to be hypnotised, well no risk no gain. If I don't believe in stuff like that why go disturb myself and waste money on transport? I just want to be aware, Madam ohhhhh! Lord align my thought with your will. I want to see my son oh! The court process is to them too long. Back to church service. 😙

Yesterday was ehh, good and bad. So it started out me thinking of my future and what it holds, the fact that I got no job and I still ain't with my children.  So many things I have got to do and yet no resource to do it. So the new help left the daycare were my boy goes to before time and the mobile phone attached to them was at home. I panicked even when I knew down in my heart they were safe,#smh humans! And then I had two presentations in the office and an assessment, which made me leave the office late. Then, while sitting in th bus I felt tears well up in my eyes, I decided to walk home from Ogba. Yea! That's a distance but still I didn't feel it cause I had music in my ears. I FEEL CHOKED.  I need a run or dance studio or something/somewhere  I can expend all the tension built up in me. My eyes are teary all the time, I can't wake up to read at night again or even watch a movie,  imagine me and movies,  but I can't, I guess am that tensed I just sleep ...

How is my mind actually set? Its a bother to me really. Is it set to the tune of God? Parents? Society? Past experiences? As I sat at the back of this lady in a keke on my way from training, am like what makes her different from me.... We paid the same amount to get to the same destination, yet she sits uncomfortably with the rider in front with a arm raised throughout the journey. A mind set of suffering unconsciously, I believe has been infused into us by our past leaders or someone/way.She could, as well as others, insisted at not sitting in front, just so he can make extra cash. This is how we find our selves, uncomfortable, depressed in situations and we don't voice out. Just maybe, we are not even thinking of the fact that we are suffering until the repercussion of what we have endured hits us like her arm aching her when she gets home. Note to self - Speak out always, Whats the worst that could happen?

Can't remember the particular verse in the bible, but what keeps coming to me is 'write down the words so you forget them not' and 'your words have been written in my heart'. Some things are better written down so you don't forget as years go by. I have been called like Paul and these women in the article: http://www.ibelieve.com/faith/11-women-every-christian-should-know.html, for service to humanity and God's kingdom. After hearing all the death prophecy, I got a revelation that its not physical death, but spiritual death that was been seen on my behalf. I have got a lot of things to do, to propagate the Gospel of Jesus. Like Ms Air & Friends, a reality show on living for Christ, a recycling company that will provide jobs and build the economy, a dance studio that will rejuvenate and bring life, encouraging my children as they become world leaders... and the list goes on. I haven't started, so how can my end come.  Lord, am broke right now ple...

Am listening to music early this morning on way way to work and K calls me, saying he had a revelation. What is it I ask and he goes thus, "be careful of one guy who looks like me( the same colour and stature) and you are taller than him.Just be careful or you could die. " JESUS!@#$×!! was my reaction, not because of death but because a man had preached in a bus about a week before saying I should not have sex with that man again before we get married properly or death would come upon me. Did K just see himself and taught it was someone else? Can the two be telling me one thing?  Jesus I need you more than ever. I know I can't die yet, well I haven't done even one-tenth of what I was called to do on earth, God has got my back, so that's not a problem. Then to top it all my phone decided to open its bible, and then my hand decides to open Zep. 3 and it starts with 'Woe........'wat?!!! but all I take from the chapter is Zep 3:20 At that time I will gathe...

O Boy😧!!! So I didn't pass the chevron test..what a bumer. .. Na God - win. It's been a stressful week. Thinking of a lot of things like how I will get money to do a proper check up!, how I will start a conversation with my younger sister who just entered the University about boys and their misdeeds, how I would love to join politics and don't have an inkling as to how to achieve that, how the court in Benin won't start proceedings so as to end my case with them, how I would pass my CAPM exam if I keep getting below average in my mock, how I don't have  job and am getting apprehensive of what my future holds, how I know am not to worry cause Jah has got my back, them!!! Life is beautiful . Got to get back to reading. .... Cheers

Nigeria is starting afresh. My Life is starting afresh. My week has been one of so many blessings. Good News, Hope and Favour. I used to write out my blessings each day but I got lazy and...... well Lord am grateful.  The Frozen event was a success and I want to give a Big SHOUT OUT to My Sisters, the two of them have been blessings to me and am forever grateful to God Almighty for my family. Still waiting for Chevron to call me....... and I don't want to treat myself for Malaria again. I am tired of taking drugs. Well till I come your way again... Kisses

So that's the poster of the event am about to organise. I have had these idea since I was in school (Uniben) having different concepts with Mervin, Biz James, Osaro, Amaka and the names are endless. GDS (GOSPEL DANCE STEP). WOW!!! And today of all days an admin staff (nicknamed SP) wants to put a pin into my bubble of joy. Still preparing for my test and then Oga K calls and ask why I have not called back to all his missed calls. But truthfully why haven't I had the courtesy to call back? Maybe it's the fact of actually hearing I LOVE YOU and all those sweet words....ugh!#@%! I remember I actually said it one night he called, but honestly I didn't know when it slipped out cause I was sleeping and was telling him what I can't remember.  Note To Self: don't talk while asleep and give your atm pin out#lol. Kisses

I have got so many things on my plate. 1. I am preparing for my Chevron aptitude test on the 28th. 2. Organising Ms Air& friends for the 29th. 3. Preparing my safety presentation for 25th 4. NCDMB assessment on the same 28th morning. 5. Electrical specification for 26th. Now I can't even read for my CAPM exam, and it's coming soon oh my! Lord Jesus, I ask for Mercy, Favour and Grace.

My today is 'One Kind'.. Am a little bit lost. So am on this training,my focus is on Process and Electrical Engineering. #@? rite? I ask myself the same question 'how far can chemical be to Electrical???' And am to work on a Specification for UPS.... Am reading stuff and am like shit!shit! what have you done to yourself. Am to submit this deliverable by Monday and yet I have not done jack.... Lord Send Help! My electrical team guy does not help matters, even though he is busy with other stuff ,he has always had this attitude of why a chemical engineer will be rubbing shoulders with him... well.... In other news,my CAPM exam is coming soon and I have got to prepare. His thoughts are of good and not evil to bring me to an expected end and so I stand on the promises of God and am not shaking. Though things may not seem to be as it ought to, I will Overcome.

So today, I remember the first time I laid eyes on him... He was wearing a black prada shirt and jeans. Omo, He looked like one ajebo and was complaining that my room door had a made a hole in his shirt. If you see the hole sef,over tiny was doing it. Anywaz, my point is I remember the first day, cause I think I feel in love. Poor Me. If I knew 9 years down the line I would be complaining or writing stories of my life based on that meeting.. I would have forced my eyes closed or slept off while he gisted with my room-mate and neighbours. Still, I enjoy how my life is unfolding. Everyday I see reasons why I am grateful to God for allowing me thread this path. But seriously ,I am really ill. Down with the flue and self medicating for malaria. I know,I know, its bad practice, but still am doing it. My reading for today is Psalm 107:3 (ESV)  He   turns a desert into pools of water    a parched land into springs of water.

My sis #lol, She was having fun shaking what I can't see.... So I need a job, tried marketing i.e selling business and I didn't find it funny, let's just say am too impatient to be dragging money from peeps.  Now am faced with the option of applying for scholarships. I still don't see the need to apply for any yet cause am like, how will I take my boys with me?, cause there is no plan to leave them for anyone, done that too many times to do it again. Confessions of the righteous. ... It is well with me and my household.  You know! I was just going to complain and say how sad I feel, when I remembered that positive , scriptural thinking and declaration produces results. So therefore, Phi 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Stay blessed y'all.

Lagos carnival 2015 was today. Missed it cause am ill, but met some beautiful ladies close to my house, hence the pix. So I guess I was still a part of it #lol. I have exams coming up and I can't seem to read for even 10 mins. It's sad really.... All I think of is why am here at this time. Am 28 and apart from my children I haven't accomplished any other thing.  I remember my dreams  that by 24 I should be working by 28/29 my recycling company should have been established, I should have started my dance company as a side kick, I should have been in and out of this county uncountable times and most importantly I should be motivating the younger generation on how to get to their potential and have fun doing it. So many should ..... God is on the throne. Am listening to Jesus Culture and worshipping God for who He really has been and who He is. My testimonies are far more than my worries. Till I come your way......

My 2 year old boy took this picture and there are actually two things I learn from it: 1. If you can't handle something, the result will show. 2. Life sometimes can be a blur. You may think you are seeing well but, it's all confusing and not straight. I hate the fact that he does not want to come see my parents, giving the excuse of been there done that story. Before you jump to conclusions , he was only told to wait till after my university gradation and I  wanted after my service was over. And I also think I gave him mind to talk, by going about signing the marriage contract in court. We're am I going with this story......Lost track. I guess I just want to write .... Later then.

A happy Chap by Default..... Another beautiful day and I forgot my earrings at home, realised in the bus on my way to work this morning. So Kelvin called me last night, we talked for a while and the conversation ended with "goodnight babes". Everyday something new. I NEED A JOB...  Can I really continue in this relationship. He really does not respect my Ideas and as I call him, One way Traffic, No dialogue, No compromise. I don't believe I can do all them my grandma's style of chop slap at home and keep quite..Marriage is like that. I am too impatient. We don't have to be married, or do we? Nigeria and culture sef. I want a divorce or so I think. I guess we just have to see a marriage counsellor. But does it make sense to pay 4 one. Omo oh! When did life become so complicated...

Dear Diary, My Mind is up and down. I know what I want, but still don't know if it is write or wrong. I love my children, two wonderful boys but I cant stand their father's arrogance. He asked for a divorce, but now wants me home for the children's sake, or so he claims, and wants me to quit my job and stay home.  You may not understand the full story now, but as time goes on I will explain at least my part. Its still like a Nigerian home video to me. Soooo....... till I have more time, back to work.

Seeing the Beauty in Everything is a way of Life. Who am I? Is a question I ask myself everyday. A jobless dreamer is my answer. Is that a good thing? My future is yet to determine that. Boring...boring Ms Air........

 That's me today.  So, I wonder what is happening in the world;South Africans killing migrated Africans, White Cops killing Blacks, Unemployment and Domestic Abuse and yet Some are just having the time of their life. Very soon I will have interesting stories to share..but till then...... Kisses

How well do I know myself. Let's find out together!!!!!!!